New Designers 2018

So New Designers 2018 is officially over and things feel especially surreal to me. While it was strange handing in my final project in May and then graduating in June... there was still New Designers looming over the horizon. Even though New Designers was stressful and nerve-wracking at times, it was an amazing opportunity and I really enjoyed experiencing it with my peers.

I met several people from the industry, other graduates/exhibitors, and families. The response I got from those that I spoke to meant so much to me. Since When is pretty experimental and abstract, I feel New Designers was going to be a real test to see if the film 'worked'. Most people said similar things - it was difficult to watch but it made them think and feel something which is exactly what I wanted. Many said they feel they have a better understanding and can relate although they may not necessarily have the same struggles I did.

I did also have some heart-to-heart conversations with individuals that have had similar experiences...which meant the world to me. All I wanted was for this film to make a difference in even one person's life...whether that be educational or for reassurance/comfort. I'm very happy and proud to see it be successful in both aspects. I also created some pins for my project to raise money for the mental health charity, Mind. This evening I donated the money plus some extra.

When has also won Judge's Choice for the New Designers Screening Prize...which I honestly did not expect! I was admittedly overthinking the fact that 3 minutes 30 seconds was missing from my film...but I'm glad it still made an impact on the judges. I am very excited I got to meet both Jez Stewart from BFI and Alex Haley from Sky and I really appreciate and value their feedback on the film. It was very emotional for me and I admittedly nearly cried. I think this is another step forward for mental health awareness and I hope it continues to make an impact in the future. I'm also extremely proud that my peer - Rebecca Stapley - was awarded the Audience Choice Screening Prize as well. A double win for CAA!

On the flip side - one of my Art Of books was unfortunately taken from the stand. It was my own fault for probably not paying enough attention...luckily I had gotten a free extra copy since one was defective. I'm trying to look at it as positively as I can - hopefully someone from the industry picked it up or at least someone who really loved the project.

Despite this setback and disliking being photographed, I really enjoyed New Designers and the amazing work that my peers and other graduates from various universities have created. I think there were many projects that discussed a variety of important topics from mental illness to the environment. I'm excited to get into the industry, create more art, and to see everyone else succeed in the future. 

When: Meat Tweak Composite

Here is the updated shot for my meat entity. I've changed it so it appears to be a little more shiny/slimy and there is a subtle pulse animation as well. This was quite tricky to put together since I decided to render out just the orb to decrease render time in order to have this ready for New Designers.

It caused me some trouble at the compositing stage because of this, but I managed to sort it out. My final edit for New Designers is now just rendering out and should be ready in time. I'm admittedly not too happy with myself that this is so last minute...but I should have everything ready.

When: Rotting Tweak Composite

Here is the final composite of my tweaked 'rotting' shot. There is a very subtle 'pulse' animation and I also tried making it look more shiny/slimy. I'm attempting to render out my other meat shot without the room in the hopes that I can composite it on top of the original render like what I did for my 'silk' composite.

I'm unsure if this will work, but if it does I should have it done in time for New Designers due to the decreased render times. If not, then it will not be the end of the world because I think having the subtle animation added to this shot is more important and benefits it greatly as it takes up the whole frame.

When: Possible Meat/Rotting Animation Tweaks #2

Here are some more tests of the animated 'pulse' effect for my meat/rotting entity. I actually prefer the more subtle version now because I think it's more unsettling when you start to realise that it's moving/pulsing.

Test 001

Test 002

Test 001

Test 002

When: Possible Meat Animation Tweak Tests (Feedback Appreciated)

Once I had a gap of free time, I decided I wanted to experiment with ways I could possibly enhance my meat entity based on feedback I received on my project. I'm unsure if I will or can implement these changes for New Designers as that depends on feedback to these tests as well as if I can get Conductor working...but even if they are possible tweaks for the future overall I wanted to do some experimenting.

I want to do a low quality test render of both the 'meat' shot as well as the 'rotting' shot just to be sure I'm not using up money unnecessarily. To create this animation I brought the height map into After Effects and created an Adjustment Layer with a 'Brightness/Contrast' effect applied. I then created a mask, changed some of the settings and animated it so it moved down the orb (#1). 

I felt #2 was too subtle but for #3 I created two animated layers so I could have more of a gradient. For #3 I also decided to tweak the coat and specularity settings so it appears more slimy like it does in the 'rotting' shot. Out of these three tests I like #3 the most.

#1

#1 Animated Height Map

#2

#3

'When' - Bees Sound Design Tweak 001

Another part of my feedback for When was a suggestion to return to my bees entity and make the soundscape more overwhelming. I wanted to increase the audio levels of the music as well, so I decided to play around with the bees as well. I added in another layer of insect sounds that were at a higher pitch as well as increase the volume of the whispers. Hopefully this is an improvement!

When: Additional 'Art Of' Pages & Projection Footage Brick Tests

After recieving feedback for my Major Project, I decided to return to my Art Of and add in a few more pages to conclude the document better. I decided to add two pages of statistics about Eating Disorders since I want people to have more information about it. I tried to include a range of statistics about the various Eating Disorders and how they affect different genders, sexuality, races, and so on. Despite it being an abstract project, I still want to ensure I have real life woven into it...so I think it's useful to have those statistics available for people to see after going through the Art Of. I also added a short concluding statement which is an excerpt from my 'filmmaker statement' that I've been using to submit to film festivals as well as a 'special thanks' section. I hope this wraps up my Art Of better than it had previously.

In my feedback it was also suggested I experiment with adding my brick displacement onto the geometry I used for my projection footage. For some reason the displacement on the plane was being very fiddly, but I'm experimenting with a few ways of achieving what I want. I tried to have the bricks be very subtle since I only want there to be a hint of them. The first test I did the bricks were straight - in my room all of the bricks are distorted because of the UV map. I then went into Photoshop and morphed the height map so I could imitate the distorted bricks. I still need to tweak the texture because some of the settings (ex. specularity) is not the same as my original brick texture...so that may further improve the look. I'm going to continue experimenting and see what I can do with it. 

Major Project: Reflective Statement

It's very strange to think that this project is 'done' now - it's been such a large part of my life for the last year that it's hard to think that it is over now. I suspect I'll continue to work on When however, since there are parts of the film that I'd like to continue to improve and tweak...although I could probably tweak it forever. I've really loved working on this project, despite it being challenging at times. I admit I felt a pang of anxiety uploading the full animation since it is so personal, but I am also proud of myself for being able to create a film that I hope will make people think in ways they may not have before.

I feel that I'm lucky that I got to work on something really personal already (Dysmorphia) because it built me up to being able to work on this sort of project. I think one of the main things I struggled with was trying to detach myself from some of the personal aspects of the film, such as the room and whispers. I found the sound editing one of the more emotionally draining parts of the project, but I am happy that I worked through it and I think the whispers really enhance the impact of the film.

I'm also very happy that I've collaborated with Bruce Reid, it was a pleasure working with him and has further taught me to have trust and faith in others. I admit I was very anxious forfeiting some control over my project, but I am glad that I did because the final product would not have been as emotional if Bruce didn't create the soundtrack. I hope I get the opportunity to work with Bruce again in the future.

http://www.brucereidmusic.com/

I was very nervous overall about the Maya aspect of the project starting off with due to the shift from using Mental Ray to Arnold. I knew I wanted to achieve realism but I wasn't sure how I'd be able to do this even with a renderer I was more familiar with...let alone having to re-learn a lot of it. This project helped me recognise how much I really do enjoy texturing and lighting, which is something I want to continue to learn and develop in the future.

I am relieved I was able to achieve the aesthetic that I have, because I honestly didn't feel confident in my abilities at first. I have a bad habit of saying that it was 'luck' that I pushed the right buttons to achieve what I wanted, but I'm trying to allow myself to recognise that it had a lot to do with my ability to sit down and play around with settings and research till I was happy with it.

Overall I think I could have done better managing my stress and emotions in relation to the project, but I feel it is still an improvement from where I have been on past projects. I had moments where this project eclipsed other parts of my life and I was probably more obsessive over it than I should have been. But again, I think I have improved on this especially considering how personal this project was.

I also wish I had researched a bit more into the rendering process as I'm not sure if I accidentally caused the render times to be higher than they really needed to be. That said, I am pleased with how I managed my time and organised myself to ensure I had all the footage I wanted fully rendered as consistently as possible. I usually struggle with making compromises, but I was able to decide that sometimes I had to decrease the quality of my renders to ensure everything was done in time and that I could at least improve on those scenes in After Effects

In addition to enjoying the lighting and texturing part of my film, I did also really enjoy working on the VFX in After Effects as well as simulations in Maya. I wish that I could have experimented more with other visual effects/compositing software, such as Nuke or Houdini but I knew I had to limit how many new things I was trying (Substance Painter/Designer, InDesign) to ensure I created a final product. It was a struggle to get things like nParticles and nCloth to work the way that I want them to, but I'm glad I pushed myself through it to show that I can do it.

It was honestly amazing and so much fun to focus on one film for a whole year. It is incredibly satisfying to see the final product and how months of work coalesced into something complete and polished. Overall I hope that it creates some sort of impact - whether it makes someone feel less alone or if it encourages someone think of mental illness in a way they have not before. While I am somewhat sad about being done now and I'm nervous about the future, I am also looking forward to it.

When

Major Project: Possible Vimeo Thumbnails

As I wait for my film to finish rendering and uploading to Vimeo, I wanted to create a thumbnail image. I mostly focused on room and brick shots, since I don't want to give away too much of what else is in the film. I'm not sure which one I prefer most, so any feedback would be helpful!

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

Major Project: Sponge Shot Tweaks

I've been working on tweaking the sound design and VFX in my film. One thing that was suggested to me was to interrupt the sponge scene since it's quite a slow-moving shot which makes it not feel as hostile as it should/could be.

I created five different variations, each one having heavier interruptions/distortions. The first video only has the static shot interrupting the sponge, then I add on layers of meat, autumn leaves (the road shot), needles, and 'unbearably cold' in addition to more glitch effects. The reason why I have uploaded via YouTube this time is because I've been uploading a lot to Vimeo and I want to ensure I have enough space left in my upload quota to upload my final film.

Major Project: Soundscape Progress Update 005 (With Music)

I've now added the music and soundscape Bruce Reid created for my film. I spent a long time tweaking effects and volumes of different sounds to try and ensure that the main voiceover could be heard, important whispers and sound effects were audible where important, and that the music shined through when I wanted it to.

For the line about 'rejection' I initially began to play around with the music cutting out mostly, but I found it odd and immersion breaking. I think leaving the music there keeps the film uniform and flowing since prior to the 'rejection' cut-out the music is quite subtle...so when it's all that is left remaining I hope it keeps the film moving without the cut-out being too distracting. I did, however, do a similar effect for my gem. This is because I have whispers, the screen doesn't go black, and again I want the gem to be aggressive rather than just eerie.

I'm still adjusting all of the volumes, I tend to work on sound design using high quality sound-blocking headphones so I realise it sounds different on computer speakers. I'm trying to alternate how I work so I get it working alright both ways. I am really happy with how this is turning out so far.

I've also been considering adding some sort of 'warning' on my film and Art Of. I don't want to seem dramatic, but since my film discusses some serious topics I feel it may be irresponsible for me to not give any sort of context to the film's subject matter especially since the title is quite ambiguous.

I worry that some things I say in the film (some of which are things people say to me that I myself find triggering) may be destructive for others to hear if they are in a bad place. I have a similar situation with my Art Of, where I discuss my reasoning behind what each entity represents. While I specifically avoid using numbers, sizes, measurements, and so on...I am aware that things I say could possibly be seen as triggering and I want to be sure I'm not doing anything harmful. Due to this, I plan on adding a 'please be aware' sort of message to my film and Art Of just to be safe.

Major Project: Soundscape Progress Update 004

Here is the fourth update on my soundscape. I've already begun playing around with the volume of different clips to soften certain sounds out if they cause the audio to spike, such as the glitch transitions. I was going to add more positive sounding whispers during the 'hope' portion of the poem, but to me it wasn't working right and still sounded a bit sinister. I also feel I want to keep with the idea that the absence of stimuli is soothing to me.

Due to this, I left this part of the film quite free as I suspect the music will take over during this part of the film. I will now be adding the music and soundscape Bruce Reid created so I can see how different parts of the film work with the music and if I need to adjust the volumes more and/or move clips around. From here I will be able to better determine if I need to record more whispers and what sort of 'flavour' those whispers would have.

I also decided to tweak the line being Anorexic is having a precious gem in terms of timing because I wasn't completely happy with it.

Major Project: Soundscape Progress Update 003

Today I made more progress with my sound effects and soundscape. I added a few more voices to the bees scene, although I may go back and add more later on. My initial goal is to put a first layer over the whole film, then add my music, and then move things around again as I suspect some whispers will have to be moved and adjusted. I'll then go over everything again and begin playing around with the volume levels of all the elements as I decide when I want the music, sound effects, or whispers to shine through more. I also plan on doing another recording session next week to collect a few more phrases for the whispers.

The sound effects for the needles is still in progress, I'm not 100% happy with it just yet. I also wasn't sure what I wanted 'wires' to sound like so I just began experimenting with some more abstract sounds which I think work nicely in conjunction with whispers. I also have the soundscape quite subdued during the 'happiness' portion as this is another part of the film I expect the music will take over.

Today I also got my final music from my music composer, Bruce Reid. I'm very excited to have my music, although I'll probably continue working on the rest of my sound effects without it so I keep the initial pass consistent. Afterwards, I'll add in the music and adjust as needed, especially knowing that some soundscape aspects were also created with the music. I'm aiming to have my initial sound effects pass completed by Monday so I can spend the next week tweaking everything.

Major Project: Soundscape Progress Update 002

Here's another update on my soundscape. I haven't gotten as far as I'd like to, but I had to spend a bit of time finding some more sound effects I wanted. One of the main things I added was the sound of fluorescent lightbulbs buzzing throughout the majority of the film. It's a bit quiet in places right now, but again, once everything is in place I'll go back and tweak the volumes. 

I want to also adjust the sounds more when I discuss the positive aspects of family as I'm not 100% happy with it, but I also suspect here is when the music will be more prominent.

I created my own white noise sound effect by using the 'generate' tool and then deleting parts of the clip, stretching it, and changing around the pitch. I tried to create a similar effect for the bees so it flowed better than it would be if I just slapped on a buzzing insect sound. 

In general I spent some time moving some clips around as it took a few tries to find the whispers that I felt work best at the different parts of the animation. While I wish I've made more progress, I'm excited how it's beginning to shape up.

 

Major Project: Soundscape Progress Update 001

Over the last few days I've been spending some time working on the soundscape for my film. I'm unsure how much of it I'll use in the end as that depends on the final product from my music composer as well. For now I'm creating the sound effects as if there will be no music, so I have no gaps and can play around with the volume later on.

First I had to spend more time going over the other 3/4's of my recording session from the other week to extract clips I thought would be useful and discard the weaker ones. Now I have nearly 200 clips extracted in total including many negative thoughts, some comments other people say to me, and a small handful of positive thoughts. I am aware I may need to return to the sound-booth to record some more positive ones depending on how things go.

Here is my first update of the soundscape. I may move around the whispers later down the line if I feel certain ones fit better elsewhere. I've also begun to play around with hospital sound effects from the BBC Sound FX Library CD. I still need to adjust the reverb, the volume, and other elements to these. I've also used a ventilator sound and some foetal heartbeats to characterise my sponge and meat entities. For meat I plan on reusing the heartbeat, but possibly making it deeper/louder each time we encounter it since each shot we get closer. I also began adding some glitch sounds where appropriate.

Major Project: Updated Silk Composite

I now have my updated silk composite. I'm much happier with how this looks now, although I may go back and tweak some of the levels in After Effects. I struggled at first to incorporate the new silk into the scene since I rendered it out on it's own so I could composite it on top of the original render.

This created a noticeable outline around the silk, so I created a light wrap to make this outline less obvious. After some trial and error I think I managed to get the light wrap to work well enough to make the new silk fit into the scene better.

Major Project: Possible Silk Texture Update

As I've been working on my Art Of, I felt less and less satisfied with how my silk entity turned out. I don't dislike it, but I feel it wasn't as shiny looking as I'd like it to be. Because of this, I decided to return to that scene and see what I could do to improve it. I like the changes I've made to it based on the still renders.

I'm currently rendering out the new scene so it's just a pass of the silk, which I should be able to composite on top the old version. I'm going to see if this works out okay or not, if not then I can re-render the whole thing. Again this isn't necessary, but if I can improve it I'd like to.