New Designers 2018

So New Designers 2018 is officially over and things feel especially surreal to me. While it was strange handing in my final project in May and then graduating in June... there was still New Designers looming over the horizon. Even though New Designers was stressful and nerve-wracking at times, it was an amazing opportunity and I really enjoyed experiencing it with my peers.

I met several people from the industry, other graduates/exhibitors, and families. The response I got from those that I spoke to meant so much to me. Since When is pretty experimental and abstract, I feel New Designers was going to be a real test to see if the film 'worked'. Most people said similar things - it was difficult to watch but it made them think and feel something which is exactly what I wanted. Many said they feel they have a better understanding and can relate although they may not necessarily have the same struggles I did.

I did also have some heart-to-heart conversations with individuals that have had similar experiences...which meant the world to me. All I wanted was for this film to make a difference in even one person's life...whether that be educational or for reassurance/comfort. I'm very happy and proud to see it be successful in both aspects. I also created some pins for my project to raise money for the mental health charity, Mind. This evening I donated the money plus some extra.

When has also won Judge's Choice for the New Designers Screening Prize...which I honestly did not expect! I was admittedly overthinking the fact that 3 minutes 30 seconds was missing from my film...but I'm glad it still made an impact on the judges. I am very excited I got to meet both Jez Stewart from BFI and Alex Haley from Sky and I really appreciate and value their feedback on the film. It was very emotional for me and I admittedly nearly cried. I think this is another step forward for mental health awareness and I hope it continues to make an impact in the future. I'm also extremely proud that my peer - Rebecca Stapley - was awarded the Audience Choice Screening Prize as well. A double win for CAA!

On the flip side - one of my Art Of books was unfortunately taken from the stand. It was my own fault for probably not paying enough attention...luckily I had gotten a free extra copy since one was defective. I'm trying to look at it as positively as I can - hopefully someone from the industry picked it up or at least someone who really loved the project.

Despite this setback and disliking being photographed, I really enjoyed New Designers and the amazing work that my peers and other graduates from various universities have created. I think there were many projects that discussed a variety of important topics from mental illness to the environment. I'm excited to get into the industry, create more art, and to see everyone else succeed in the future. 

Minor Project: 'When' - Initial Ideas, Creative Writing Exercises, and Phrase Lists

Admittedly I've so far kept my Minor Project ideas behind closed doors, but I now feel ready to begin sharing my thoughts and ideas on this project (which I temporarily labelled as 'When' - this obviously may change). Dysmorphia was a very personal piece of work for me - and it helped me discover how to use Maya as an art medium rather than a mechanical piece of software.

Dysmorphia (film still)

I really enjoy working with Maya, After Effects and other programs, and the topic of Mental Illness/ internal conflict is something I still feel I need to explore and discuss. This is why for my Minor Project I want to create a piece of work that is even more raw and honest in hopes it may help people understand that everyone experiences the world differently.

To get started on this, I've been given a list of questions/prompts to answer as honestly as I can. Some were direct, some more abstract, and some intended to be more directly triggering. Some examples include "Tell me about a favourite childhood memory", "Why is Halloween important to you?", "Imagine your illness is/was architecture; describe its structure, its materiality, its exterior and interior spaces, its location, its functions etc", "What makes you laugh?", "What makes you cry?", and several others.

However, it was agreed that the prompts that led to the most interesting result were:

"You need to try and make someone else understand your relationship to food and to eating - but you have to use similes in order to do so - find the images that express the truth of your feelings.

You need to try and make someone understand your relationship to your own appearance - but you have to use similes in order to do so - find the images that express the truth of your feelings."

To answer these questions, I answered with long lists that I tried my best to write honestly and quickly without thinking (essentially I tried 'free association' writing). I felt myself that this was the most direct and honest response since I tried my best to not give myself time to second guess my answers and responses.

From here, I was given several other phrases to answer in a similar way regarding my feelings/thoughts towards other people's bodies, my relationship with my family, my idea of perfection, my relationship with hospitals, my relationship with happiness, what (in my view) it feels/means to be Anorexic, and what hope is to me. I have several long lists in response to this, and I am currently in to narrow down the lists and select the ones that are the most truthful, have interesting contradictions, and may be interesting visually.

From my understanding/what I imagine, I will aim to create realistic, morphing textures on some sort of object or abstract form to represent these phrases to achieve an emotional reaction from my audience (both positive and negative) to express the a constant internal conflict. I think my phrases will create a sort of poem that will be voiced over the animation (and I would like to collaborate with a music composer in conjunction with my own sound design if possible/appropriate).

While I'm not quite sure what this will be just yet, I have a few films and animations that I feel may relate to what I feel this may be or that I just find interesting.

BLOOMS: Strobe Animated Sculptures Invented by John Edmark from Pier 9 on Vimeo.

Owl from Thomas Beg on Vimeo.

Placenta #2 from SIC EST on Vimeo.