Deanna Crisbacher : Minor Project: 'When' - Initial Ideas, Creative Writing Exercises, and Phrase Lists

Admittedly I've so far kept my Minor Project ideas behind closed doors, but I now feel ready to begin sharing my thoughts and ideas on this project (which I temporarily labelled as 'When' - this obviously may change). Dysmorphia was a very personal piece of work for me - and it helped me discover how to use Maya as an art medium rather than a mechanical piece of software.

Dysmorphia (film still)

I really enjoy working with Maya, After Effects and other programs, and the topic of Mental Illness/ internal conflict is something I still feel I need to explore and discuss. This is why for my Minor Project I want to create a piece of work that is even more raw and honest in hopes it may help people understand that everyone experiences the world differently.

To get started on this, I've been given a list of questions/prompts to answer as honestly as I can. Some were direct, some more abstract, and some intended to be more directly triggering. Some examples include "Tell me about a favourite childhood memory", "Why is Halloween important to you?", "Imagine your illness is/was architecture; describe its structure, its materiality, its exterior and interior spaces, its location, its functions etc", "What makes you laugh?", "What makes you cry?", and several others.

However, it was agreed that the prompts that led to the most interesting result were:

"You need to try and make someone else understand your relationship to food and to eating - but you have to use similes in order to do so - find the images that express the truth of your feelings.

You need to try and make someone understand your relationship to your own appearance - but you have to use similes in order to do so - find the images that express the truth of your feelings."

To answer these questions, I answered with long lists that I tried my best to write honestly and quickly without thinking (essentially I tried 'free association' writing). I felt myself that this was the most direct and honest response since I tried my best to not give myself time to second guess my answers and responses.

From here, I was given several other phrases to answer in a similar way regarding my feelings/thoughts towards other people's bodies, my relationship with my family, my idea of perfection, my relationship with hospitals, my relationship with happiness, what (in my view) it feels/means to be Anorexic, and what hope is to me. I have several long lists in response to this, and I am currently in to narrow down the lists and select the ones that are the most truthful, have interesting contradictions, and may be interesting visually.

From my understanding/what I imagine, I will aim to create realistic, morphing textures on some sort of object or abstract form to represent these phrases to achieve an emotional reaction from my audience (both positive and negative) to express the a constant internal conflict. I think my phrases will create a sort of poem that will be voiced over the animation (and I would like to collaborate with a music composer in conjunction with my own sound design if possible/appropriate).

While I'm not quite sure what this will be just yet, I have a few films and animations that I feel may relate to what I feel this may be or that I just find interesting.