Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Fantastic Voyage: OGR #1

1 comment:

  1. OGR 03/03/16

    Morning Dee,

    Okay, for me, there's still a slight lack of cogency about your idea. It does feel as if you haven't quite stepped all the way over into your 'scary story for kids' idea. The idea of your story beginning on the thorn of rose - which is then used as a metaphor for human frailty in light of resistance - is a bit too removed and abstract isn't it, if your audience are kids who want to feel a bit of peril? I'm not convinced that the rose in a vase is the right entry/exit point for your type of story. Shouldn't the issue feel a little closer to home - a little more 'urgh, it's inside me!' as opposed to 'oh, so the problem is about cut flowers in vases?'

    I think you need to think about the tone of your script - because the tone of your scrip/voice-over is going to give more cues as to your visual direction for this piece. For example, if the narration began something like this 'Oi, you! Yes, you! Did you know that there are up to 1,000 different types of bacteria in your tummy - right now? It's like an aquarium in there!' - then suddenly, the audience is being engaged with directly, and you're linking the science (and the implied problem) to them directly. In terms of your character design, there's a cartoony-sweetness - even to the bad bacteria; this isn't the stuff of moody expressionism, it's all a bit cheekier-looking than that.

    You've produced lots of work and undertaken some great research and development etc. but I don't think you've quite got a visual concept yet, and for me, the rose isn't helping target your film, and your actual challenge is to write your script and identify your tone, because at the moment you've got some cute blobs, but not a completely confident visual direction.

    So - think about your narrator: is it a kind of 'If you go down to the woods today...' type thing or is it a 'Yuck, your body is crawling with bugs!' affair - or something else? Determine the tone and the role of the narrator - this will help you clinch your visual concept more convincingly.